so i finished cold tangerines this week (loved it, p.s.) and one of the chapters at the end really made me think about how i approach my life. i don't know about you, but i have the tendency to think of everything as written in stone...let alone ink. i leave no room for flexibility...and therefore no room for trust or having to rely on anything or anyone. i want to make the plan...and then i want to make sure it happens. (control freak alert...yikes!)
the message last week at midtown had to do with the fact that real power exists outside of us, and how we are all under the control and influence of something. it may be something tangible, like alcohol or money...or it may be harder to see, like people-pleasing or fear. and the truth is we were created to live under the control and power and influence of something...of Someone. in Him we live and move and breathe...by Him we have the courage to not fear...because of Him we can boldly and humbly walk in truth.
i've mentioned it before, but the idea of dependence is beautiful and freeing to me...i just don't always do it well.
so what does living as free, dependent people have to do with writing in pencil? here's a quote from cold tangerines:
"at a certain point, i have to wonder about my judgement or my sanity. how can i continue knowing so definitely what the future will hold, and then continue being so totally worng? this is my new thing: i'm going to write in pencil. life with God at its core is about giving your life up to something bigger and more powerful. it's about saying at every turn that God knows better than we know, and that His Spirit will lead us in ways that we couldn't have predicted. i have known that, but i haven't really lived that."sure, we can pretend that we are the authors of our own story. we can color-coordinate our calendars (ahem), make plans a year in advance, and write our futures (as we'd like to see them) in stone on our hearts. but God would rather us just pencil that stuff in. He tells us that in our heart we can plan our course -- but it is HE who determines our steps. life lived under the influence of the One who designed it all is a life full of mystery and change....it's a life that finds purpose in the process. as we release the control and trust in the uncertainty, it's there that we find true joy and peace.
the destination? that's in stone. but the journey? pencil it in.